So Santa and a Nun Walk Into an Elevator

As you can tell by the title this weekend was all about the people you meet in an elevator. I arrive Friday night to the hotel, drop off my gear in the room and press the down button to go to the mall for some grub. “Ding” goes the bell, the doors open to reveal around 8 woman, mid forties and fifties, holding to go boxes, shushing themselves hysterically as they see me approach them in their giddy, drunken state. “Oh this should be interesting I thought to myself as I stepped in, pressed the lobby button, with my back to the doors looking at the line up of woman facing me. As their shushing continued I smiled and said, “what’s going on ladies,” in a loud voice. The one to my right, who was short like me said, “oh you have no idea what you just gotten yourself into,” in a very serious look, able to control herself not to erupt in fits of giggling like her companions. I look back at the numbers to see where we were and looked right at her and said, “well, I’ve got 8 floors, entertain me!”

Now, I have to admit I did surprise myself with my challenge, but at the same time to the “leader” had a bit of a challenge in her demeanor, so some primal instinct took over and gloves were thrown. Now, the “leader” looked at me with a deadpan glare and started to say, “Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur,” (a new song definitely not from their generation, press the play button under the picture on the top of the page) she started to sing, which immediately they all joined in and started to dance! Imagine, if you will, myself standing there with all these older ladies dancing and singing, holding their to go boxes from the meal they just came from, in full drunken swing! I’m smiling from ear to ear, slowing joining in with the dancing. The one lady in front of me, complete gray hair in a ponytail, waist about level with my chest, turns halfway and starts smacking herself on the butt to the rhythm. YEP, by now I have completely lost it and have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!!!!

“DING” goes the bell as we hit the lobby. The doors open up, the dancing has immediately stopped and the shushing is brought back in earnest. I manage to stop laughing long enough to look at them and say, “Ladies, thank you for the entertainment, you all have an amazing night!” As the doors start to close I can hear one of the ladies say, “Wait, how come we are in the lobby again? We missed our floor!”

The next day Santa does his jig, showers, and runs downstairs quickly to get driven to the airport to catch the flight to AZ for Sunday’s show as the nun. If you watch Seinfield you’ll understand when I say my shower didn’t “take” yet, so I rode with just my wife beater on until I got to the airport and could put my sweater on. I arrive around 10pm to the hotel, drop off my gear in the room, and ride the elevator down to get the “special” elevator up to the bar to meet up with Jumpin’ Joe for a drink.

So this elevator I can’t figure out where the button is to call it, which ends up being on the wall behind me with the OTHER elevators (how odd) which another guys who walked up pressed. We step onto the elevator, in which he holds the door, leans out, and yells, come on guys! HERE WE GO AGAIN! Around 10 guys, who range from tipsy to completely trashed walk onto the elevator. Lurch in front of me looks around at everyone through a foggy gaze and exclaims, “nobody step on me.” Well, one guy decides to tell me not to listen to him and that he is crazy. The other 8, not to be left out, all immediately begin to shout at the same time, each putting down another in the group! So I’m smiling and laughing with them all as one does when confronted with a group of guys who you hope will maintain this demeanor in their drunken state. The doors open and there is Jumpin’ Joe with the rest of the clan getting ready to walk into the elevator. It appears that bar has just closed down so we are going to another. The group of guys walk out, my group walks in, the entire group of guys look back and start to inquire why the heck I’m still there and not coming out with them! Well after saying this was my group and don’t worry I’ll see them, the doors close and my group is like, “friends of yours???”

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! By far the most entertaining times I have had in an elevator. The nun went well. Including this cool guy who does the wheel on the ice, video here:

We finish the show and all pile into one of two vans driven by our standard two russian guys. (I think they are retired cops?) The other one is filled with our luggage and the huge wheel. So our guy drops us off at passenger pick up. The luggage van is no where to be found. So after radioing his pal, we believe it is upstairs at passenger drop off. Because of construction we have to walk to one end of the airport, go upstairs, walk all the way back towards the middle, only to not find ANY LUGGAGE. We all have VERY tight flights. In fact I think wheel guy missed his. Peter Carruthers and I run back and forth, up and down, about 3 times. As you can imagine I’m sweating like crazy running around with my coat on and computer. The last trip we now see both vans together, and try to get them to tell us where is the LUGGAGE???? Apparently he dropped it at the curb, but now we have no clue where it is! I run back upstairs and THANKFULLY it is now somehow near the check in point. I had enough time to get to my gate, order a burrito, and walk onto the plane. WHEW.

Till next week, ride the elevators as much as you can!

Be well,

Dan